I saw this post on facebook and couldn't help but comment on it:
"Debate #1: Mothers and Careers
Public Event · Sunday 3:00pm until 4:30pm
Tramp House, DC
Yes or No: Married Mothers Should Not Pursue Careers. If you think you have an opinion on this, come listen to a debate by 4 qualified individuals. Two sides, each with two debaters, will compete for your vote. You will decide the winner. You will vote before and after the debate, and the side that swings the most votes is declared the winner.
In order to cast your vote, we ask that you arrive as punctually as possible. C2 ward members can simply walk on over after church.
Location: Tramp House (901 22nd Street South, Arlington, VA 22202)"
These were my initial thoughts:
1) People are actually using their free time to debate this issue?! (Don't you have anything better to do?! Like bake cookies or catch up on episodes of Community?!)
2) I can't believe this topic is still polarizing enough that people feel the need to debate it.
3) I can't believe that people have strong enough opinions about the issue that they are willing to publicly oppose or support it, AND vote on it.
I support women having choices. I think we live in a time of unprecedented female opportunity - never in the history of the world have so many opportunities been given to women! It is an amazing time to be alive!
However, the more choices we have, the more difficult life decisions become because we actually have decisions. Instead of having our lives pretty much pre-determined for us (if you don't believe this statement, please take a history class. ANY history class), women have the chance to enrich and enlarge our lives in a way that my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother never had.
That being said, I also think motherhood and children are really important. I support the decision of many moms, including my sister, to stay at home. I think it's great that 1) their husbands have stable jobs that can provide for a family and 2) that their husbands are healthy enough to hold stable job. I respect stay at home moms, especially my sister. She is a wonderful mom, and she does so many incredible things! I hope that one day, I can be as good of a mom as she is. However, many women are not so lucky, and they don't have a choice in whether or not they actually can stay home. And yes, I think staying at home is a legitimate choice - being a mom is just as important, if not more important, than any other occupation. Working moms should NOT look down on stay at home moms!
However, I also relate to working moms, who work full-time or part-time because they need to or want to. I totally understand the desire to contribute to the world in a way that doesn't involve (but also doesn't exclude) pot roasts and making crafts. I don't get as excited about interior design as my sister does. But I sure as hell support her interests and her right to be at home.
Women that work might actually WANT to work the same way that stay at home moms want to stay home. Yes, universe, some women want to work. Some women LIKE their work. And they are good at their jobs! Also, the workplace is changing. People work part time, full time, or sub-part time. Work, for some women, is a way to expand their capacities as people, to engage in the world around them, and to build their talents. But working doesn't mean that they neglect their children, don't support their husbands, or heaven forbid, are not following the Prophet/Spirit/ are not good LDS members. I know a woman whose patriarchal blessing specifically states that SHE will be a great asset to the Gospel by being a practicing medical doctor. I also know women whose children have amazing opportunities for their education and personal growth because of the woman's job. It is also possible that by taking a job, a woman is following a righteous path. I think everyone is born with a different mission in life - one that is common to all people is parenthood. But some people (men AND women) may have other missions in addition to that one; work could be one of the means by which their task is fulfilled.
Some of you may be wondering how on earth I can support both camps. Well, guess what. We live a world where adults can make their own decisions, and one person choosing one decision does NOT undermine or devalue a different decision. Why can't we just accept fact that everyone is different, celebrate our awesomeness, and support each other?! Life is hard, people!!! Why are we making it harder for everyone????!!!!
The worst part about this debate is the artificial construct that it creates within LDS culture. Several friends recently stopped going to church, citing this a main reason for not staying with it. These women are strong, intellectually curious women that are interested and engaged in the world. However, the way that women's roles are taught makes these women feel guilty for even having the desire to be involved, feel ashamed about themselves because they feel like they don't fit a predetermined mold, and therefore feel like they can't accept themselves or be themselves within the confines of artificial boundaries. This is why they leave - because they feel like they are somehow inherently flawed because they want to do something other than/in addition to having babies, and that inherent flaw makes them unworthy in the eyes of God. This is wrong. This is NOT how life is supposed to be.
The debate listed above is a horrible idea. The topics is extremely limiting, and doesn't accurately represent any aspect of reality. One choice is not better than the other - they are just different!!!
I suggest a different debate topic. Instead of debating whether or not women should have jobs, why can't we open the dialogue about different ways that we can support women in general? Why do we feel like it's ok to dictate to women what is or isn't acceptable behavior? Why don't we talk about strategies to make workplaces more family friendly for men AND women, like having more flexible hours, extending parental and maternal leave, and more vacation time? Seriously, who DOESN'T like more vacation time?!
*Sidebar - Is it just me or does anyone else think that it's disturbing that this is "Debate #1"? That implies that there is a "Debate #2". What the freak are they going to talk about? Whether or not making a salary less than 6 figures a year makes you a good LDS man?
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