Fun with Capcaisin

I think this story is hilarious.

My friend Colleen, a student in my program, is pregnant with twins. My fellow classmates and I are throwing her a baby shower. Being the good host that I am, I offered to make two dips for the party.

The first dip is a simple bruschetta - which I have made many times before.

The second is a corn dip that Colleen makes when we have parties - which I have eaten but never made before.

If you've never had corn dip before, it is the most addicting and least healthy dish for your arteries. But it tastes good so I eat it anyways (and then I go swimming).

Anyways, is the basic recipe:

2 cans whole kernel corn

1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese

4 stalks green onions

10 jalapenos

1 can chopped green chilies

8 oz sour cream

1 cup mayo (I did not put this much in)

If you haven't worked with jalapenos before, they are a mixed bag. Some are super hot, other you can pretty much eat like candy. Well, maybe not like candy, but you get the idea.

Well, I just went by the recipe that Colleen sent me, thinking that I shouldn't tweak it before at least trying to follow directions (which I never do anyways). I thought the recipe called for an excessive amount of jalapenos, so at the last minute, I decided to only put 5 in instead of 10.

So, I just mixed all the ingredients together, and tried a bit. It tasted pretty good! I was pretty proud of myself. And then, the burning started. I have never eaten anything so spicy in my life. My mouth was on FIRE. I drank a ton of water, ice cream, whatever I could get my hands on. I must have snagged a super hot jalapeno at the store!

"This is horrible (worse than the pork curry incident)," I thought. "I can't serve this at the baby shower- Colleen's going to go into labor after eating one bite!"

Then I realized that my hands were tingling. The capsaicin in the jalapenos I chopped clung onto my hands, even after I washed them multiple times. So now my mouth was burning, my hands were burning, and I had this labor-inducing dip that I needed to fix before the party.

I washed my hands again, and the burning subsided slightly. After an hour and five hand washes later, my hands weren't burning as much as they had been, and I thought it was about time for me to go to bed.

Bad idea. The capsaicin somehow got onto my toothbrush so my gums burned after I brushed my teeth. And my face tingled after I washed my face. Luckily, I somehow managed to take out my contacts without burning my eyes out.

My hands are still slightly burning, and now I have 4 cups of this corn dip that is too spicy too eat. I'm just going to make a diluted batch tomorrow, but I have got to think of something to do with this capsaicin mess.

I did put some yogurt into the dip, thinking that the milk proteins would somehow reduce the spiciness overnight. If that doesn't work, I'm sure I'll think of something to do with it.