My counter arguments to the article "A Mormon Woman's Choices"

The snow storms in New England have provided me with the rare gift of time, not only to try new bread recipes, but also to catch up on reading the news. Amid the articles about the Egyptian revolts, Oscar nominees, and and health care reform, I stumbled upon an article titled "A Mormon Woman's Choices." The author, an LDS (Mormon) woman, narrates her premeditated decision to have premarital sex, despite knowledge that premarital sex is against the teachings of the LDS Church.

Her reasons?
1. Being a virgin at age 35 made her feel like she was trapped in adolescence.
2. Mormon men did not want to date her because they viewed her as being too independent
3. She wanted to "feel a man's hands on [her] before [she] died"

I would like to offer my counter arguments.

Argument 1: Being a virgin at age 35 made her feel like she was trapped in adolescence.

Counter Argument 1: In what universe does becoming sexually active mark the onset of adulthood? Is the definition of adulthood mandated by the onset of sexual activity? If so, does this mean that adulthood is contingent upon sex, and not a state of being that should be achieved before one participates in sex?

I think the association of sex with true adulthood is both a tragedy and a logical fallacy. Has anyone watched Teen Mom on MTV? Or any episodes of the Jersey Shore or your chosen trashy TV show? It is clear that participants of those shows are sexually active, yet I would not categorize any of them as being adults.

It was hard to not talk about sex in my home town. It was on everyone's minds. I know a boy who lost his virginity at the age of 13, and a girl who gave 9 different boys blow jobs at one party. I purposely avoided the bathrooms on the first floor of my high school because I caught two people doing it in a stall. By the author's definition of adulthood, my very immature peers became adults at the ripe old ages of 13 and 15, while she at 35 is still a child. By the author's definition, I passed up my opportunity to "become an adult" at my senior prom.

I would like to offer a different definition of adulthood, one that is not contingent upon sexual activity.
Adults (pl. noun): 1. People that take responsibility for their actions and take care of others; adults are people that think about their actions and understand how their actions affect other people; adults are also people who are selfless and think about how they can use their time and talents to benefit not just themselves, but those around them; adults know when to admit they are wrong, and take steps to change.
2. Adults are also people that can rise above the noisy din of popular culture and discern between true principles and manufactured fodder.

Unfortunately, it seems like this author chose to succumb to what pop culture would describe as "adulthood" and "sexual liberation," when she just sold her body to fit into a fake definition of adulthood.

Argument 2: Mormon men did not want to date her because they viewed her as being too independent

Counter Argument 2: The author's conclusions about Mormon men are highly subject to small sample size and bias, which skews the author's results from the truth.

Sample Size: The author only quotes two people here when she describes her interactions with Mormon men. One of her sources said he "couldn't handle being Mister Marie Osmond;" he clearly has ego issues. Another source said that men didn't want to date her because she "didn't need a man" because she had a house, a car, and a job. Putting my disagreement with this man's comments aside, her sample size is too small to make any judgments about the opinions of all Mormon men. Although the man's comments are valid, they are not generalizable to the entire Mormon male population.

Selection bias: I don't know how this author encountered this man. He could be recovering from a really bad breakup, or he could just be crazy. It seems like she picked him because he was convenient (convenience sampling), and those responses are usually not reflective of truth.

Recall bias: His comments are also subject to recall bias, since people tend to say what is most salient to their memories. Perhaps he had a bad experience with a girl and was using his experience as a basis for his commentary.

(Can any of you tell that I'm an epidemiologist in training yet? If not, the past few paragraphs should have made it really obvious.)

Another point I would like to make is that there are a lot of crazy people that say crazy things. A white guy I met at a party told me that I would never get married because white Mormon guys wouldn't want to date an Asian girl. Ironically, the same guy asked me out three months later. I said no.

Argument 3: She wanted to "feel a man's hands on [her] before [she] died

Counter Argument 3: The statement implies that the author assumed she would never have sex while she was alive, and that the only way for her to have sex was to do it outside marriage. Although I sympathize with her feelings of loneliness and rejection, having sex just to have sex is not a good reason to do it. Also, there is no good way for her to estimate her likelihood of not having sex based on past experience, or the experiences of others. Considering that most, if not all, active LDS women eventually do get married, I think that her chances of having sex if she stays active are pretty high.

Another tragedy of her lost virginity is that she most likely did not love the person she slept with. Why would you want to waste your first time on someone you don't care about? Even non-LDS people can respect the desire for meaningful relationships and sex.

Putting the counter arguments aside, I understand the feelings of loneliness that the author feels. It is easy to feel unwanted, unattractive, and unloved when it seems like everyone is getting married and having children. It is easy to feel like you don't belong in a Church that focuses on families. In a world where there are twice as many active LDS women as men, the numbers are daunting, and probability is not in a single female's favor.

I would like to offer the author and anyone else that reads this hope, and the impetus to start living life. Life doesn't start when you have sex. Life doesn't start when you get married. Your life has already begun. If you don't live it, it just might escape you before you realize how quickly life passes.

Whether you are single or married, the wards and stakes of the Church need as many active faithful LDS people as possible. Bring your time and talents to the table. Stop caring about what is popular and do what is right. Have faith. Expand and fill your life with good things. Know that there are hundreds, if not thousands of women and men who have your same hopes and fears.

I don't know how my life or the author's life is going to play out. I, too, have doubts and fears. Some days, I look at the numbers and I want to give up.

However, I believe in the God of miracles. And even though I don't know when or how events will occur, I know that the Gospel provides me with the ability to make good decisions, expands my capacity for compassion and joy, and fills my life with meaning and purpose.

To all you single Mormon folk out there (the author included): keep the fire of your faith alive.
There is always hope.